What I Learnt From Giving Birth
It might be because it’s the New Year, but I’ve been doing a bit of reflection and soul searching lately, and when I think back to a time when I felt my most confident, most empowered, and most accomplished I’d have to saying it was the first moments after giving birth.
I am very fortunate to have had such a positive birth experience, especially because it happened in the height of the pandemic. But I also worked hard for that moment, and it gave me a sense of accomplishment I’m not sure I’ve ever felt before.
Not that I’ve run one, but I imagine running a marathon is similar. Similar in that the more you train and practice and stretch and focus, the better position you find yourself in on the day, and when you cross over that finish line you know that all the hours and hard work were worth it.
That is how I approached birth. I studied. I did an NCT course to understand more about the basics, and the birthing options. I educated myself further. I watched the incredible talks on Instagram that Lucy Flow Yoga gives for free. I learnt new skills and trained. I completed a brilliant hypnobirthing course and wrote birth affirmations and practiced my breathing and visualisations religiously for weeks. I did pregnancy yoga often (up until the day before my waters broke), to keep my muscles stretching and ensuring my hips were as open as they could be for my baby to make his way down. I looked after my mental state too. I switched off all the news, I asked friends and family not to share with me any negative stories or thoughts so I could remain in a positive bubble and focus on all the things that could go right for me. I really did work hard for it. And I was fortunate it paid off exactly how I envisioned – maybe even better.
WHAT HAS HAPPENED SINCE?
At just over 18months postpartum I feel like I’m finally coming out of the haze. I definitely no longer have a new born, and I don’t even have a baby – he’s a full blown toddler. It’s finally feeling like more fun, and all the trials and tribulations have given me so much more confidence in my day to day parenting. So whilst the days (and nights) are definitely better, I’ve begun to think about myself again.
A lot has happened since that has impacted how I feel about myself and the world around me. I’m not the same person I was the day before I gave birth. Not physically, and not mentally. But I want to be that person – well maybe a new version of her. I don’t want another baby in my belly treading on my bladder, stretching my skin, causing pelvic girdle pain – not just yet anyway. But I do want to be that empowered, confident, and accomplished woman I was in that moment. I want elements of her to be in how I feel every day.
I know it’s not realistic to expect to feel as amazing as I did when those endorphins were rushing round my body in the hours and days after birth. But, I do think I could get back into the habit of ‘training’. Not for birth but training for life and the difficult days we all know come and go. I want to have a better foundation to cope with the low points of life, and the darker days of parenting.
CAN I DO IT?
As a first time mum you really don’t know what your body is capable of. You will have never ever been through something like it, and unlike a marathon there are no practice runs or half versions you can try before or learn from. You have no idea how your body and mind will cope with the pain, or with the stamina required, you just don’t know for sure how you will achieve this goal. And with any birth you really don’t know how it will turn out. All you can do is trust and keep picturing it a certain way, but there are no guarantees.
As is common in the throes of the last stages of labour I heard myself say “I can’t do this”, but, just like a marathon runner, I had my team and supporters around me who encouraged me and got me refocussed and back on track to cross the finish line. And, my oh my, that finish line was incredible. Not only did I have my baby in my arms, my rainbow baby I never completely trusted would make it earth side, but I had this absolutely incredible sense of achievement. I said over and over again “I did it, I did it” for a good hour or more. I was so proud of myself. The proudest I’ve ever been. I was so in love with both my baby and my body for getting me to that moment. I was euphoric, empowered (and exhausted).
Because of this great achievement, I know I can do it. I proved to myself I am capable. I am capable of pregnancy and birth, but I’m also capable of achieving something I never knew I could. I am capable of working hard to achieve really difficult things. I am capable of training my mind and body to be in a state of focus and dedication. With this mind set, I do believe I can do anything.
IT TAKES A TEAM
As with any great accomplishment, it takes hard work but it also takes a team.
With the birth I know I couldn’t have done it without my super team – my NCT leader and the mums who birthed before me, the hypnobirthing course leader (who is now an amazing life coach!), Lucy Flow for her endless wisdom and guidance (and online pregnancy yoga course), the incredible homebirth midwives who were right there when I needed them. And of course my husband Alex, who sat through every class, listened to every worry, read meditations to me as I fell asleep, and held my hand and looked me dead in the eye when our baby came into the world.
We aren’t meant to do life alone, especially the difficult bits. And I think the bigger the achievement, the bigger the team behind you. Of course the real hard work is down to you, but it doesn’t need to be a lonely struggle. Find your tribe – the cheerleaders, the pragmatists, the motivators, the ones that unconditionally love you even on the hard days.
SO WHAT IS NEXT?
I’m going to get focussed. I’m going to use this year to focus on me. I will remind myself daily that I am capable. I will train my brain to believe in myself. I will trust my ability to achieve my goals for this year. And most importantly I am going to be kind to myself – I will acknowledge that sometimes progress is slow, that there will be setbacks and struggles, and that I will make mistakes. I will remember that to achieve great things, you don’t have to do it alone. In fact I will achieve far greater things (greater than I ever thought I could) if I do it with a little help along the way.
I’d love to know, what is your biggest achievement and what has it taught you?
