My Breastfeeding Journey: The First Year
Once we got through the pain and issues that defined the start of our journey, breastfeeding very much became our thing. Mainly because Oscar was a hungry and fast growing little thing, and I fed on demand, whilst he demanded a lot. It was also something I did to get him to sleep for naps and night time, it was like my superpower.
I definitely underestimated how often and how long I’d be sat feeding Oscar for in those first 6 months in particular, but here are a few things that were life savers:
A big water bottle – possibly the most essential item for any new mother. It was a weird sensation that the instant Oscar latched on I felt a pang of thirst and always needed my water bottle close by and full so I could drink at the same time.
A back catalogue of a TV series – I set a series record for Midsummer Murder episodes when Oscar was born (which meant it recorded at least an episode a day) so I had plenty of choice when it came to being stuck on the sofa under a feeding or sleeping baby. It was easy to watch and kept me engaged, and gave me a little escape whilst I was resting.
A long phone charger cable – I invested in a 2m cable so that I was never left phoneless during feeds, or if Oscar then proceeded to take a nap on me that lasted an hour or so. My phone was a bit of a life line, the pandemic meant we weren’t seeing many people in person so it really was my way of connecting and communicating, and being able to use my phone (unrestricted by a short charger cable) during feeds was important.
A crossword book – When Oscar was tiny he was easy to hold with one hand, he didn’t wriggle very much, and so being able to do a crossword or Sudoku one-handed was great to help me feel like my mind was still switched on. This is only good for the first few months though, because then they like to get up and down and wriggle too much you can’t hold a pen straight let along concentrate on a crossword clue.
Muslins - and plenty of them. Feeding leads to burping, and burping inevitably leads to sick. Have these on hand for all eventualities - even if it’s for your own tears too!
I first fed Oscar in public when he was just over a month old. Some of the lockdown restrictions had lifted so my sister was visiting and garden centres were back open, so we took the opportunity to get out of the house and went to our local one which had a cafe. It was there (unsurprisingly) Oscar needed a feed, and I kept my cool and just fed him. It’s quite fitting, that with my love of gardening, our first public feed was at a garden centre – clearly my happy place and where I feel safe. I was grateful I had a proper breastfeeding top on as it kept my modesty and full on flashing other people wasn’t too much of a concern (I wrote about must have breastfeeding clothes here). I did keep a muslin near his head but I didn’t feel the need to cover him up – it was my first time doing it in public, the last thing I needed was to do it blindfolded! I was lucky that it was a super positive experience, I remember saying “I’m doing it” over and over, and my sister took photos to commemorate this achievement. Another mum soon came into the café and sat on a table not too far away. She also began breastfeeding a slightly older baby, and as we made eye contact there was a little smile of comradery and I felt a little more confident in this new ability.
From there, we weren’t necessarily out that much thanks to most things still being closed in the pandemic, but I quickly learned to breastfeed without fuss in the back of the car, on benches, as well as at home. It was convenient to be able to feed him anytime and anywhere, and it solved a multitude of issues from tiredness, heat, illness, thirst, fear, comfort and of course hunger. In fact after the first 18 weeks where we were getting started and needed to combi feed, we went back to exclusively breastfeeding again.
Oscar was a hungry boy, and whilst his sleep stretches at night got longer for the first few months, just before the infamous sleep regression point, Oscar started waking more frequently and I was feeding round the clock. The increase in feeding meant my supply was up and I was pumping a good amount of milk for a feed the following day, or to even start a freezer stash – it became a little ritual around 10pm every evening.
But, if you’ve read my previous blog on sleep you’ll know, by 8 months I was unable to cope with the sleep deprivation from being up feeding every couple of hours, and knew that without breaking the cycle of feeding Oscar to sleep, there wasn’t going to be much progress anytime soon. Eventually I sought help for the sleep situation but I made it very clear to our lovely consultant that I didn’t want to give up breastfeeding (and she had no intention of requiring me to!). However the process to improve sleep did mean that we eliminated feeding through the night, and feeding to sleep.
I felt a bit powerless without being able to offer a feed to sate and calm Oscar in the night if he woke, but I knew in the long run it was better for all of us, and it didn’t take long to see results. Having Oscar able to sleep through the night meant the demand for my milk was down considerably, and that meant my (surplus) supply reduced as well and I was finally able to stop pumping in the evenings (and get to bed earlier!).
As Oscar got older and we had more routine (working on the time of day as opposed to awake windows), the feeds also became more scheduled. We fed when he woke instead of when he needed to sleep, but I still took his lead and fed on demand elsewhere.
During a second lockdown I set my mind to getting Oscar to learn the baby sign language for milk, which he first signed at around 8months old, but was more consistent after another month or so. It was a game changer for us because it meant that although he was nowhere near able to talk he could communicate with me to tell me exactly what he wanted. It made for less crying (from both of us), and I am forever grateful to Sarah, our Sing and Sign instructor, for all that she taught us – her classes were by far the best investment we made, and enabled us to communicate without frustration from a really early age.
From the start I had no idea how long I’d breastfeed for. My first aim was just to be able to do it at all, my second aim was to reach 6 months after which you can introduce cow’s milk as an alternative, and weaning on to solids starts. When discussing it with NCT friends I always said when Oscar got teeth I’m sure we’d soon stop – I had no desire to become a teething aide! But when teething didn’t seem to cause Oscar to bite me (not even once), we kept going and I hoped we’d make it for one full year.
Through that year our feeding times became a real bonding moment, it was a chance for us to be still and together. I could see and feel the comfort he was getting from those breastfeeding times, and I began to cherish them, and admire my body for the incredible ability it had to do this for him.
